


hands

by Zombieprinz



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 05:37:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4048234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zombieprinz/pseuds/Zombieprinz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Lalli tries to work out what's different</p>
            </blockquote>





	hands

Emil was talking to Sigrun about an expedition that was to take place the next day to some ruin or another. Lalli didn't really listen as briefings really didn’t interest him that much. He rather waited to see what happened, when it happened. Any planning the group had done so far went to hell usually at least when they were sprinting for their lives from one troll or beast or another. 

He seemed to be half asleep again to anyone who didn't look closer, but nevertheless, Lalli was at full attention, his eyes inconspicuously fixed at his hand, currently being held by Emil once again. His brain worked rapidly.

Nothing was unusual, not like something he hadn't done a thousand times before. The gesture was familiar by now, as it was one of the things that kept him grounded when the buzzing electric resonance of the magic coursing through his veins wouldn't let his mind rest. When the ever shifting dreamscapes he travelled changed into nightmares hounded by the horrors of a time long past and forgotten, or the very real and tangible horrors of today.

Lalli squirmed and Emil tightened his grip a bit without looking up, clearly unaware of Lalli's intentions. He usually could guess what the Finn wanted him to do without looking any more, but this time it simply wasn't enough. Nothing was different from any other time, as far as he could tell. 

Emil's hand was warm against his, fingers wrapped around Lalli's own cold palm, and he was holding on almost instinctively, not really minding the weight of Lalli clinging onto him, or maybe taking on the responsibility of calming the mage down time and time again willingly.

Normally it had been Tuuri who watched out for Lalli. Made the important decisions for him when he felt overwhelmed or simply couldn’t bring himself to care about something. She had always done it.  
But now, after taking on the responsibility of being the voice of reason on this mission, when Sigrun would rather go dashing head over heels into the unknown instead of carefully adhering to their objective, and when Mikkel would just shake his head in resignation, quoting a passage of something along the lines of him being a doctor, not a commander, a lot rested on her shoulders. Tuuri also worked nearly day and night by now pouring over ancient tomes or just notebooks, trying to find anything salvageable or entirely useful that would help them survive or find cause and chronology of the time immediately before the rash.

Which had left Lalli mostly on his own. He didn't really mind it that much, he thought. He liked being alone.  
Alone was good because it kept him safe. People didn’t go on his nerves like that. 

But... sometimes he just needed some sort of contact. He was still human, magic powers and catlike senses and all. He couldn't exist without coming back to people he could trust to guard his sleep. Like he had done with Emil immediately, for some reason. 

Lalli stared inquisitively at their joined hands. He did trust Emil. It seemed like he had decided that long ago on the Dalahasten, when the Swede had put himself between Lalli and a Troll without even thinking about it. So it should be well. But in the last few days he had noticed that something felt off, even though Emil had been pulling him along like that at least a few dozen times by now. 

Lalli fidgeted, feeling uneasy.  
Emil swiped his thumb over the back of Lalli's hand, still not paying too much attention to him, and for a moment it felt better, but it didn’t last. 

Lalli furrowed his eyebrows. It had always been working like this with Tuuri.  
He remembered how she had dragged him around their homestead in Saimaa or Keuruu like that when they were kids. Even when he had eventually joined the military, she had always made sure to drop him off at his assignments physically.  
Maybe that was entirely the problem. 

Lalli didn't want Emil to do Tuuri's job. His cousin was still that and Emil was not.  
Lalli tried to pull away, not wanting to keep substituting or confusing Tuuri and Emil, or whatever it was that was going on  
.  
The tall blond just shifted, clearly still deeply immersed in important information. Even though he didn't look like it at all, he was through and through a military man who could focus on his mission completely if necessary.  
Lalli thought he should pull harder, suddenly feeling caged, like a fox caught in a trap, but Emil moved his hand, shifting his fingers to intertwine them with Lalli's. Much to the Finn's surprise, they seemed to fit flawlessly in between. 

And suddenly the strange tension of the last few days was gone. Lalli nearly whined when the anxiety seemed to seep from his body, and he slumped the tiniest bit against Emil’s shoulder. Maybe it took just a tiny shift. Not feeling treated like a child any more The mage did not exactly think that, but he felt it in his bones. He wanted the Swede to see him as an equal, most likely, he interpreted. He closed his eyes, but only after seeing Emil look at him and smile softly. Maybe this was what it took.


End file.
